To be or not to be…a woman in Cape Town


I did not plan this trip. I just jumped on a plane and ended in Cape Town, South Africa. It was sort of an impulsive decision, after a really boring month in Johannesburg, where I first heard about the quiet confrontation between the biggest two cities in South Africa. It made me curious to uncover why the Jozzies ( local nickname of Johannesburg residents) consider the Capetonians arrogant, naughty and pompous. With the hope to find something really thrilling, I flew the two hour flight to the West. But the discovery took me much beyond my curiosity and expectations.

Seeing good looking men in Cape Town happens at every step in this city. I have never seen before gathered at the same place so many well maintained men – a proper hair cut, well shaped, no eyebrow and no nose growing out hair, well dressed, fantastic tooth set …. Just a small detail …the chance any of those men to be straight and be interested in women is close to zero.

Correct! Cape Town is a well recognised capital of the gay culture. As I was told about 40 % (or maybe more, no proper statistics) of the men here are gay. The proportion between straight women and straight men is 7:1 in male favor. You can imagine straight women waiting in line for a man. Obviously, if such a man was found, will be carefully protected, pampered and defended. My host in Cape Town Tony is a beautiful musician in her 30s. She told me when she took the decision to relocate from Johannesburg to Cape Town, her parents were devastated she would never get married.

“How are you going to find husband there?”, her father asked, while she was packing. She finally managed to meet a nice guy – Jeff, a documentary movie director on TV.  At the moment he returned home in Cape Town from his four year stay in London, Jeff got taken. Believe me, he cooks fantastically. I was “licking my fingers”, when was invited to join them for dinner. And he is not gay  Tony doesn’t let him get around much, especially not being accompanied by her. Secretly, she is afraid someone else can grab him.(can’t blame her at all)

If a straight man is somehow found single in here, no doubt he would be spoiled by plenty of attention, having the privilege to choose and pick. But once caught, there is no easy way to get rid of his girlfriend/wife. The women In Cape Town are quite jealous and defensive about their men. Hmm …after facing serious difficulties of hunting them, it’s understandable. 🙂

In fact, it’s not easy to distinguish the straight man from the gay in Cape Town. But usually (and unfortunately) the gay looks much better and often as a dream man. In Cape Town if a man sits alone somewhere in the café, it doesn’t mean he is single, lonely or keen on female attention. If you see two good looking men, jogging at the Promenade of Sea Point, walking or just having dinner, most definitely they are not just good friends with no girlfriends. Correct, they are a couple.

Clifton 1st beach, next to Cape Town, South Africa

Well….reading all above, you are probably getting desperate, especially if you are a free single woman in Cape Town. How then to meet the right guy? I asked some local women the same question. They admit no formula and no proven recipe. The usual advice was “go to the gym”. “Go to the gym” doesn’t work well in Cape Town, as the risk to meet mostly gay guys in the gym is really high. I am sorry to confirm it, but the same is relevant to the beaches (a heavy moan here). Cape Town has great beaches – Clifton, Camps Bay and Muizenburg, full of surfers and swimmers.

First steps on Clifton Beach, South Africa

In addition, those beaches offer the view of muscular, tall, smiling, confident and smart looking men. But the gay percentage amongst the beach visitors remains the same as above. It means the chance is considered negligible as at the other spots, including bars and restaurants.

Let me share my own embarrassing experience. I went to Virgin Active, the most popular gym in South Africa. The idea was to find a place, which offers great conditions for spinning. I was a bit annoyed to realise, my cycling performance was watched by some overaged visitors, who were here mainly for chat. I courageously took the decision to turn the situation to my advantage, but picking someone who matches my taste.

I was unable to take my eyes off of a guy, more less my age, impressively shaped and obviously in the gym for a work out. Well the eye contact was done – check. He was looking at me too – check. I was smiling widely with the hope he is straight – check. An hour later I discovered how well mannered this man is. After exchanging glances, he finally came straight to me, armed by a smile. Then he whispered: “Sweetie (here my knees were melting) I like you too, but unfortunately you are not the right sex to me. Can we still drink coffee afterwards ?”

Well …I didn’t know I can still blush, but at that moment I was cringing from the top to the toes. And then, can you imagine my answer? I was in such a stupid situation, slowly realising the man is gay. I managed to just mumble: “Thank you, but I don’t drink coffee”. I felt stupid then, I feel stupid now, while recalling it  OMG, such a waste.

The sad conclusion was you must be really lucky to meet a soul mate or a regular boyfriend in Cape Town… if you are looking for him in here, hard work ahead to be done. The real question is what are you going to do, if were not so lucky? I get advised from the local Capetonian girls:

Option 1

You can always change the spot, looking for a guy at another place …or country. I got this idea from Vanessa, a beautiful 28 year old Capetonian, who lives in Paris, France. Her internship there will be over in September, but she managed to find a French boyfriend, who doesn’t mind to move to Cape Town in some months. You see, a brilliant idea. Go somewhere, find the man, make him fall in love and then “move him” wherever you want.

Option 2

Find a gay beginner and turn him back to straight, by being irresistible to him. Well…sounds like a fairytale, but in some 0.01% of the cases could work. But it requires too many efforts, time and patience, also lots of hope and nerves…naaaaaa, better to skip this option, even I was told some successful story ends.

Option 3

Give up on the idea to live and find a boyfriend in Cape Town. Even I find it an amazing place to live at, but the lonely life option doesn’t look desirable. Moving to Australia or New Zealand, where the community of South Africans is really large, could be a good decision. And those places are not famous with gay culture. The other choice is to move to Johannesburg, which I would never recommend. To me it’s not a real city, just somehow gathered suburbs, much uglier than Cape Town. Worse weather, no seaside and the crime is much higher, so can’t be seen as a better option. Durban maybe …but the average age of the potential boyfriends in Durban is with teenage frame. Nothing bad, if you are a female in her 20s.

Option 4 

Stay in Cape Town and try to be … a gay   Turning to gay you win good looking friends, hanging out with them, probably a very healthy life, visit interesting places. BTW I was truly impressed by the most of the gay residents of Cape Town. They were highly intelligent, many topics available to discuss with, well mannered and funny people. But when I am around them, I always regret for not being able to build something more with  Such a pity to be woman sometimes…

Option 5

It’s a bit naughty, but the big goals require big steps. You can steal someone, who was already taken. But it could be a bit tricky. I already shared it above, the actual girlfriends in Cape Town are willing to protect their achievements. So you never know how determined she is and how dangerously is going to act for not getting rid of her accomplishment. Could be painful and time wasting. The desperate times need desperate actions. So it’s up to you, to steal someone’s boyfriend or not. Just be prepared for a battle, as you won’t get him without fight.

Option 6

Well.. I admit my options were over, so feel free to add yours, if you have any. Highly appreciated.
So, the brief conclusion after my experience in the mother city is I like gays. 🙂 The gays of Cape Town. Maybe in my next life I’ll be luckier to be born in Cape Town. But not a straight woman anymore 🙂

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